“No matter how far you travel, you can never get away from yourself.”
– Haruki Murakami, After the Quake
This quote by the writer Haruki Murakami eloquently demonstrates the concept of self-acceptance and happiness. Whilst there are many factors that contribute to internal happiness, I believe self-acceptance lies at the core. We can be surrounded by supportive people and achieve all the external successes, but at the end of the day, if we don’t have inner peace, we won’t be truly happy. Commons reasons people find it hard to accept themselves include an inability to make peace with their past, or expecting perfection from themselves all the time. Self-acceptance is the basis for growth, and as long as we deny who we really are and what we’ve been through, the longer we will feel stuck in life. Moreover, expecting perfection from ourselves all of the time is highly unrealistic, and actually limits us from exploring new opportunities because we are too afraid of failure or rejection. Failing is inevitable and is all a part of the learning process. So, if we can’t avoid failure, why not just embrace it? After all, if life was perfect all of the time, wouldn’t that just be boring?
When I talk about self-acceptance, I’m not suggesting that we need to love every single part of us all the time. Nor am I saying that we should believe we are perfect the way we are and do not need to change. To me, self-acceptance means that despite our flaws, we accept ourselves the way we are, because we are all just doing the best we can from what we know and have experienced in our lives until now. Self-acceptance acknowledges our weaknesses and strives to improve them for our own well-being, relationships, and performance. The key with this is that we are not being overly self-critical and know that it is a non-linear process to get to where we want to be. It is about forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes, but also keeping ourselves accountable not to repeat them. It is about acknowledging the truth about what has happened to us, accepting the cards that have been dealt to us, being responsible for our own healing, and practicing self-compassion on our low days. Remember that the only person that truly understands you, that has been by your side through it all, and will continue to be by your side through it all, is you, so it’s important to invest in that relationship with yourself.
Have you ever become aware of what your internal dialogue is like as you go throughout the day? Take some time to check in on yourself regularly, because repeated negative thoughts overtime will rewire your brain to think more negatively, and thus you will have a more negative lens of the world. What is stopping you from fully accepting yourself? Is there something or someone that you still need to make peace with? Denying the truth will only cause more damage later on, so if there is something that you are finding especially difficult to overcome, don’t be afraid to seek help too. On a final note, it is not so much about learning to accept oneself, but rather unlearning what the world has conditioned us to think, and relearning what it is like to truly accept who we are, just like we did as kids. If we have accepted ourselves before, we can certainly do it again, and whilst it may not happen overnight, simply becoming aware of the matter is the first step to progress.
Fee Teng Liew 